Tonight, bought a box of dishes at bed, bath, and overpriced as seen on tv crap. They didn't notice my 20% off coupon expired yesterday. Should I feel guilty about that?
On a related note, a couple Sundays ago I realized as the plate was coming down our way that I hadn't given Jax a dollar to put in. I grabbed my wallet and didn't see a $1, but had a moment of sort of panic where I realized I had a $5 but for whatever reason I was thinking I needed it for an emergency or something. And then later I realized we should have just put in the five. (Honest, Lord, I wasn't trying to be stingy, I was just being nuts.) Really, I think I was just focused on the search for a dollar, and the $5 didn't really register. I mean, we are fairly faithful in our giving. I would like to give more, but we do give every Lord's day as God has prospered us. It's the first thing I account for in our budget. I feel guilty about the $5.
I feel things a lot less kenly than I used to. Either I am outgrowing adolescent emotions, or I am beginning to numb. In either case, I don't feel much genuine pleasure or hurt at any situation. Anger, still more than any other emotion. If I were an inanimate object, I think lately I would be a blade that has just been removed from the fire. Think red-hot and angry-sharp. Most of the time I don't like who I am. My son doesn't like me either sometimes, I think.
It is midnight and I haven't had a bath or taken the trash can outside. Or fed the kitties and bunnies, or done anything I need to do.
I am getting an infected breast and I have a golf-ball-sized lump under my left armpit. It is painful and warm to the touch. Andy remembers that the few times I had this problem before, it was exactly this bad and always cleared up within a few days. I don't remember it being this painful. I do know this episode has a new addition, a general feeling of malaise. My skin hurts and I feel shaky and flu-like. Not good.
Did I mention the pity-party I'm on?
My SIL described her new son, who is four and therefore not in school yet, as obsequious. As in, "I'm going, and of course the obsequious Kevin will be with me." For a minute, I was all, Huh? And then I realized she meant ubiquitous. Not the same thing. Not at all. I didn't laugh at her, but I did say, "Don't you mean 'ubiquitous'? Because 'obsequious' means 'obedient'." And she said, "No, OBSEQUIOUS. Like he's always around. Look it up." So I did. And I read the definition to her. "1. characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference; fawning: an obsequious bow. 2. servilely compliant or deferential: obsequious servants. 3. obedient; dutiful." And she says, "Yeah, obsequious like a servant who's always underfoot." Aaagh.
Why do I feel the need to be right about things like that? Because I do make mistakes too. And if someone else wants to be an idiot it's their choice. I just know that things like that bother me big time.
Why can no one say "IM-ree-el" the right way? I mean, calling my son "Jackson" is bad enough. But how hard is Imriel? Her bible class teacher calls her "im-ree AELLE". Makes me crazy. Oh, and her aunt and grandmother will insist on calling her "Im".
They talk about the gap widening between the haves and have-nots. It is. Except it's really the "Haves - to pay for the lower segments of society" and the "Have-Nothing to do except keep that underpaying job or disability payments going and now I even get government-provided healthcare because young and healthy people are being forced to carry health insurance they don't need and can't afford." Sickening.
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wakeful dreamer