I am in such a vile mood. My spouse, bless him, has this thing where he honestly believes I have nothing going on in my life except whatever he is currently thinking about. For example, if he is working on something, I'm expected to be on call in case he needs something. My MIL calls it "holding the pencil". Let's say he is outside, cleaning ashes out of the heater, and needs a new battery for his flashlight. Instead of just getting one, he comes to the back door and bangs on it until I show up. It doesn't matter if I am in Sarah Jessica's pen, covered in bunny fur, and have to hop over two exercise pens and a baby gate to get to him. Or that I might be actually involved in something I can't or don't want to stop. He will stand there and bang until I finally show up, find out what he wants, and get him more batteries. Yes, it would have been mildly inconvenient for him to have to take off his dirty shoes before entering the house, but it is incredibly inconvenient for me to have to drop everything I'm doing and run to help him. I am so sick of it.
Today is just another example. I was up for two hours during the night with Jax. He woke up at 4:30 with a bad reaction. And he had wet the bed. I changed his pajamas, took him to the toilet, put cream on his rash, threw a wet pad and blanket over the wet spot, and got back in bed. All the while he was screaming, and I was stumbling around in the dark, because I didn't want to wake Andy. So finally I got it all taken care of, and then Jax couldn't go back to sleep. I got him to lay quietly, but he was scratching and thrashing around, making these pitiful moaning sounds. When he finally did go back to sleep, I wasn't sleepy any more. I suppose I finally went to sleep at about 6:30.
At 7, my spouse grabbed my chin and squeezes. I opened my eyes and saw 1) I just went to sleep half an hour ago, and 2) Why is Andy standing over me grabbing my chin??????? So I closed my eyes again, but he wouldn't let go of my face. After some heated dialogue carried out in hushed tones so as not to wake Jax, I ascertain that he is holding on to my chin because I hate being awakened by someone touching my cheek. No, I hate being awakened in ANY manner after I've been up all night with a screaming child and had the courtesy to not wake Andy up too. But that's neither here nor there. Anyway, the crux of the matter was this: He wanted me to walk to dogs. Yes, walk the dogs. Because it takes too long.
Now exactly how long can it take to walk two dogs 50 feet, let them pee, and come back inside? He says 20 minutes, which I doubt. I have the feeling that it doesn't take him as long to do it on his way out the door as it does for me to have to: struggle out of a deep and much-needed sleep, stumble to the bathroom, pee, put my contacts in, locate and put on clothes, tie my shoes, stumble down the hall and find leashes, clip said leashes onto the rings (with my eyes closed because I'm sleepy and my contacts aren't lubricated yet), and walk the dogs.
I mentioned this, and he said, "Well you can always go back to bed. Or take a nap with Jax this afternoon!" I'm not going back to bed now, because I'll just have to get undressed, take my contacts back out, get back in bed, warm up (because it's freezing outside and my hands are too cold to put anywhere near any other part of my body), and then have to do it all over again when Jax wakes up. It's just too much wasted time and effort. And every time I try to take a nap with Jax (assuming he actually takes one) the phone rings, or someone knocks on the door, or one of us falls off the couch, or something happens and I don't actually get to sleep. Some days it's like somehow my taking a nap transmits across 60 miles to unwittingly stimulate Andy to call me. Not to mention that I have things I might want to do, or need to do that are easier with Jax sleeping. Clean litterboxes, or run the vacuum, or a million things that I can't do with a two-year-old "helping" me.
And yet I feel like I can't do anything in this situation. They are my dogs, not his. I wanted them to live inside. I'm the only one that can handle Jupiter. And I'm the one cleaning up dog pee if they aren't walked first thing in the morning. So I pretty much have to. But I don't like it.
The irony is that he has been getting on to me for being irritable with him and Jax. But I am so freaking sleepy!!! Most nights I get up with Jax at least once. I have been staying up late to try to finish some things I'm working on. And I'm getting up every morning to get dressed just to walk dogs. I really resent him sometimes. It's the old, old story of housewives everywhere, but I can't help repeating it. He doesn't do dishes, or clean litterboxes, or mop the floor, or any household chore beyond cutting the grass once a month and keeping wood in the heater. Which, I have to add, I have to go out there with him every night anyway to hold the flashlight, because he still hasn't put up a utility light. After dinner, he usually plays with Jax while I finish up my chores. The way I see it, that's me working and him not. Does he think that when Jax is in my care during the day, I just hold him on my lap and play computer games?? Just once I want to see him try to wash dishes or sweep the bunnies' room and supervise an active 2-year old. He won't try because he knows he can't do it. And yet, I have to do these things if we're going to keep on being able to live here. It just bothers me that he can't let me sleep in even once.
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wakeful dreamer