All the Things I Want to Say

I have been putting off posting, because it's been so long that I wanted this post to be more momentous than, "I've been sewing and shopping and cleaning house and playing with my son." And actually, a lot has happened over the past few weeks, enough so that I think I can post.

First off, I'm pregnant. At 10 weeks, there's little enough physical evidence that it's hard to believe I'm actually pregnant. Once I can start feeling him move, I think I'll feel more convinced it's real. In a way it bothers me that I'm not uber-connected with this baby yet. With Jaxom, I was very certain he was a boy from the beginning. This time, Jaxom is the one with a strong feeling about the gender. He is very convinced it's a brother. I'm not getting a sense of it either way. It's actually kind of funny how Jax is getting in tune with the baby already. He likes to put his ear to my belly and report on what the baby is doing and saying. In any case, I'm expecting to feel movement in a few more weeks.

It's not surprising that I just don't feel pregnant yet. I have been pretty sick for the last few weeks. It started with the flu, which knocked me out for over a week. From there, I moved straight into a fairly scary, potentially life-threatening bug. For a long while I was unable to do anything but lie in bed. Gradually I've been able to resume most of my normal daily activity, but I'm still not back to my old self. I think if I hadn't been pregnant, this all would have been less severe or at least less tricky to manage. Even many of the medications that would be ok to take later in pregnancy are not considered safe in the first few weeks while the baby's organs are being formed.

Ultimately, this pregnancy has not gotten off to a good start. Being sick is one thing, but not being able to eat properly or exercise in the critical early stages is quite another. My last pregnancy was absolutely a model one in every sense of the word. I was extremely diligent about what I ate, about walking and stretching, about completely preparing my body for the marathon event of giving birth. This time - the first 25% has been wasted with illness. Hmm.

Going to meet the brother for lunch, so more later.